Understanding Transitions: Why They’re So Hard

(and What Actually Helps)

Why is leaving the park so hard?

Understanding Transitions

Transitions are not just about moving from one thing to another — they involve:

✔ Shifting attention
✔ Regulating emotions
✔ Processing language
✔ Navigating expectations

And often, they also mean leaving something preferred (like a favourite toy or activity) to enter something unknown, less motivating, or more demanding. That’s a big ask, even for adults!

Neurodiverse learners may need more structure, predictability, and connection to feel successful in these moments.

Being Thoughtful About Transitions as a Parent

As adults, we understand the world runs on schedules: dinner needs to be made, appointments need to be kept, and the park doesn't stay open forever. But kids? They live in the now.

Your child doesn’t care that you need to go home and cook, they just know the slide is fun and the idea of leaving it is... not. This mismatch between adult priorities and child motivation is where many transition struggles begin.

The good news is: with a little planning and compassion, you can make transitions smoother, without bribing or dragging your child away mid-meltdown.

Use the Premack Principle (AKA “First–Then”)

The Premack Principle is fancy terminology for a rather simple idea: it pairs a less-preferred activity (like leaving the park) with a more-preferred one (like popsicles, story time, or tablet time). It’s not a bribe, it’s a way to create predictable reinforcement and help your child understand that something good still lies ahead!

Example:

“First we pack up our toys and walk to the car - then we can listen to your favourite song! What song do you want to listen to today?”

“It’s time to leave the park - let’s go home for dinner. We’re having your favourite: spaghetti! Do you want to help me stir the pasta again?”

Over time, your child learns that transitions don’t mean loss - they just mean change.

Shift Focus Beyond the Transition

Sometimes it helps not to linger on the fact that the fun is ending, but to redirect your child’s attention to what’s next. This isn’t ignoring their feelings, it’s helping their brain shift gears.

This technique uses a combination of antecedent strategies (setting the stage before a behaviour), response prompting (guiding them toward what to do next), and motivating operations (increasing the appeal of what’s coming up).

👀 Try this:

• Start talking about the next activity before the transition starts.

• Ask a question about what they want to do next (“Which song should we play on the drive home?” or “Do you want the blue or red plate for dinner tonight?”)

• Use playful language to guide them forward (“Let’s tiptoe to the car like sneaky foxes!”)

This keeps their mind anchored on the reward — not stuck in the moment of leaving.

Give Warnings Before the Transition — But Make Them Meaningful

“5 more minutes… 2 more slides… last swing!”

Giving a heads-up before a transition helps your child’s brain shift gears — it’s an antecedent strategy that sets the stage for smoother behaviour. But here’s where it gets even more powerful: be curious about what your child actually understands.

Does your child know what “5 minutes” means? If not, that warning might not mean much. Instead, try something more concrete and observable:

“Two more times down the slide, then we walk to the car.”

Even better: involve your child in setting the boundary. This builds buy-in and shared control, which can reduce resistance.

Try this:

“We need to leave soon. I see you’re busy, what’s one thing you want to finish before we go?”
“You’re having so much fun. Should we do one more slide or two?”

These gentle choices act as response prompts and create a feeling of collaboration, not control. You're still holding the boundary, but you're inviting your child to participate in how you get there.

Reinforce Cooperation and Stay Connected

Transitions often feel vulnerable - your child is leaving something they love and heading into something less predictable. That’s why your presence matters. A kind tone, physical connection (like holding hands), or simply narrating what’s coming next can help regulate your child’s nervous system and make them feel safe.

At the same time, don’t wait until the transition is complete to give praise, catch cooperation early. Reinforcing the first small steps (like turning toward you or picking up their shoes) helps shape the behaviour you want to see more of.

Try this:

“I love how you started walking with me right away, you’re getting so good at leaving the park calmly!”
“You held my hand all the way to the car. That made it so easy for us to leave together!”

These are examples of differential reinforcement: you’re strengthening the behaviours you want to increase by pairing them with positive attention. And when that’s done while staying calm and connected, your child isn’t just cooperating, they’re learning that transitions can feel safe, successful, and even a little bit sweet.

The Bottom Line

Transitions are hard because they ask our kids to stop doing what they love and start doing something they didn’t choose. But with thoughtful structure and strategies like the Premack Principle, we can support them through it, and maybe even make transitions moments of connection instead of conflict.